Dr. Oz’s 3-Day Detox Cleanse

So, I’ve been fasting/monodieting/detoxing for many, many years now.  I have done the Master Cleanse.  I have eaten only kitchari for days.  I have done a variety of things, many for which I was mentally and physically prepared.  At the end of my semester, with my chapter deadline looming (technically, it still is), I looked at the bags of organic lemons and just couldn’t do it.

So, I looked around the webs-space and ran into this:  Dr. Oz’s 3-Day Detox Cleanse.  Let me be perfectly clear:  I’m not an Oz-ite.  I think he is doing great things, especially mainstreaming Ayurveda (which doesn’t even get spell-checked by my computer, anymore!!).  But, I don’t follow him.  Still, this seemed packed with some great alternatives the the more dramatic Master Cleanse that I thought I wanted to do. 


I ended up doing sort of 5 days.  I know it is only a 3-day cleanse, but I really wanted to extend the experience (and make up for my inability to do the MC).  How ridiculous, I know… yet still.

On Day 1, I water fasted for most of the day, with only the exception of one small coconut water, because I had to wrangle all of the ingredients for the detox.  I was so concerned that if I ate anything, I wouldn’t actually do the Oztox.  I had the coconut water because I had never tasted it before and I was curious.  It was incredibly refreshing, and it perked me up for the balance of the day.

So… that late afternoon and later evening, I made and consumed the “breakfast drink” and the “dinner drink.”  I knew this was going to be a good thing.  The breakfast drink was DELICIOUS (yes, caps-and-italics-delicious).  It was sweet, but not too sweet.  The raspberries, berries that I rarely use because of their delicate nature, were extraordinary.  I need more raspberries in my life, clearly.  The dinner drink was HUGE, filling, and kind of creamy delicious.  This was my first experience with coconut water.  I became a fan.

On Day 2, I woke up wanting white cake with white icing.  I mean… I mean… with every fiber of by being. Every. Fiber.  Ok, but I pressed on.

Happy, again, with the morning drink.  I found myself anxious about the lunch drink, because it sounded the least appetizing to me.  I loved all of the things in it, but just couldn’t put it together in a shake.  And, well, I was right.  I used unsweetened almond milk, and the bitter taste of all of the greens (I think mostly the celery) was overwhelming.  I had to choke it down.  But I did it.  I kept thinking that I wished it was just savory.

Anger, fear, aggression, cake; the dark side of the Force are they.

I knew I’d be traveling during the day on Day 3, so during the Day 2 evening I made the lunch shake for Day 3, put it in a tupperware container, and froze it.  We’ll see (shudder). The day ended with me still wanting cake, but happy to have the dinner shake.  I went to bed early (around 10 pm) because I was so low energy.  And, because I was anxious about the next day (and had to get up at a decent time).  I had a little trouble sleeping, but I guess that it was more about my travel plans than anything.

Day 3 was the day of the harrowing grocery store adventure.  I knew that I’d need to re-up my supplies, when I woke up that morning.  The cake desire remained strong.  I had to go to a funeral in Memphis, that day.  I woke up early, ade my breakfast shake, loaded up the car (including an extra banana and a handful of almonds, “just in case”) and headed out.  I had plenty of water on hand and my green tea.  Cake cake cake.  But, cake (desire) did not make this day hard.

"Yellow Rose" by Rob Wiltshire
“Yellow Rose” by Rob Wiltshire

Funerals.  It is hard enough to attend to your own feelings at a funeral, but it is a particular kind of complicated when your feelings are less about the person who is being honored and more about a loved one or loved ones affected greatly by loss.  It was good that I went.  Still, there existed an element of the surreal when I saw my adviser sit by her own headstone.


On my way home I went to the grocery store, to gather supplies for the next two days.  I confronted my own distrust for myself and my ability to resist the cake.  I made it.  I did.  And for that I am glad.  I want to trust myself more.  I want to want to do the good things.

Day 4 and Day 5 were absolutely uneventful.  I prepared to leave my house rental for the summer, so I was certainly busy.  My food cravings were G.O.N.E. Yay! And, I made it through. I realized my digestion was reset perfectly.  I had lots of energy for all of the packing I had to do. I ended Day 5 with a small bowl of kitchari, so that I could eat at my friend’s housewarming on Sunday.

Dr. Oz’s cleanse was great.  I will return to this, surely!  Maybe pretty soon.


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